Dealing with Disappointment

By Richard Ferguson, Ph.D./Running Journal/October 2008

Like many of you, I spent a few hours in August in front of the television watching the Summer Olympics from Beijing. While my natural bias was towards Track and Field, I also marveled at Michael Phelps’s accomplishments in the pool, the perfection of the Chinese divers, the United States victories in men’s and women’s basketball and countless other winners in such sports as Field Hockey, Table Tennis, Team Handball, Rowing, and Judo. The medal ceremonies were especially touching with athletes showing outward emotions of pride in their countries and personal achievements. Yes, the Olympic Games gave us heroes and memories of great victories and accomplishments.

On the other side of the coin, the Olympic Games also brought bitter disappointment. Many evenings as I watched the games I couldn’t help but feeling empathy for those who came so close to winning a medal, for those who suffered from pure bad luck, and for those who were injured and sick at absolutely the wrong time. Their stories were most often not told by the talking TV heads and they went back to their families and homes around the globe with the honor of being an Olympian, but also with a gnawing “what if….” in their minds. Yes, for some the Olympic Games meant bitter disappointment.

It hurt to see Tyson Gay not make the final in the 100 meters. He made no excuses, but a hamstring injury suffered at the U.S. Trials had to hinder his preparation. It hurt to see World Record Holder Paula Ratcliff limp home in the marathon, a victim of a stress fracture in her femur during her Olympic training build-up. All of China wept when Liu Xiang was unable to start his 110-meter hurdle semi-final because of a bum Achilles tendon. Just think of the disappointment when the United States Men’s and Women’s 400- meter relay teams both dropped the baton in their qualifying heats. Yes, there was huge disappointment and it came on the world’s largest athletic stage.

One thing we certainly have in common with Olympians is the fact that we all feel disappointment in our lives. Our running is certainly not exempt from delivering its share of disappointment, along with those exhilarating, wonderful running experiences. We put in months of hard training, only to be forced to drop out of a marathon because of an injury. The week of the important race we get a bad cold. We prepare well and then have a bad race for no apparent reason. We miss qualifying for Boston by less than a minute. For months we have an injury that just won’t go away. No question running disappointments happen and they hurt to the core.

When disappointments occur in our running we feel down, confused, and sometimes guilty, thinking that things would have been different if we had only done so and so. Disappointments will slowly fade, and believe it or not, disappointing experiences can be valuable in making us better runners, better competitors, and better people. Sure, the disappointment hurts, but the key is to use the disappointment in a positive manner and not let it drag us down week after week.

When we don’t reach our running goals, it’s usually not due to a lack of effort. It’s very, very rare that runners try to have bad races or hope to feel bad during races. Certainly we don’t intentionally try to get injured at the most inopportune time or get sick the week of an important race. Illness, injury, and bad days are just a part of the life of athletes. Setbacks in running don’t mean we’re bad runners or bad people. Setbacks usually are the result of certain circumstances coming together at a specific time. A bad cold occurring in a two-month training period is usually just a nuisance, but in the week of a marathon it can be a major concern. Sure, it’s bad luck, but it’s also an opportunity to learn to deal with challenges, both from a physical and mental perspective.

When running disappointments do occur, there is no point in getting down on ourselves. We can’t go back and change what has happened. We can only try and learn from it and move on into the future. Why should we feel down and miserable, when, more than likely, our disappointment was a result of events we really had no control over. Even the greatest runners in the world have disappointments and the Olympics were a testament to that fact. But great runners don’t allow disappointment to pull them down. Great runners try to learn from their disappointments and move on with enthusiasm for their training and racing. They work on things they can control and don’t worry about things they can’t control. We can all learn to be great runners by doing so.

By focusing on our disappointments, we waste a lot of valuable physical and mental energy. A lot of training is about how we manage our finite supply of energy. By dwelling on any disappointment or failure, we waste a lot of energy on negative emotions and that energy would be much more wisely spent on preparation for future races. Again, the past has happened and we need to learn to let go of the negatives and push headlong into the future with excitement and enthusiasm.

Disappointment will test our resolve and coping abilities. The very nature of the sport of running is really about testing our resolve and ability to cope with discomfort, so disappointment can, in the long run, help us to become better runners. Disappointment should not mean hopelessness; disappointment should mean learning about ourselves as people and gaining more confidence in coping with challenging events in our lives.

Running is full of peaks and valleys, both figuratively and literally. We all have some really bad days, a lot of average days, and a few really good days. That’s the way all things in life are. To think disappointment won’t come in running is simply irrational. Running is all about how we can deal with challenges. The better we are at adapting to challenges, the closer we will run to our potentials and the more enjoyment we will get from running.

Still, disappointment hurts and we all desperately want to feel better when we have a rough day and don’t reach our goals. It really helps to talk out our disappointment with fellow runners or close friends. The simple act of expressing disappointment verbally can be a valuable form of catharsis and nothing can help to ease those troubled feelings like knowing there are others who truly understand our disappointment. Always keep in mind the famous quote by the philosopher Nietzsche, “that which does not kill me only serves to make me stronger.” Hang in there, better days are coming.